new moves

Somebody set themselves on fire last night. It was an accident, duh, but still kind of shocking. He's fine - stopped and dropped and has a minor burn to show for it. Got right up and worked the same trick again, successfully.

I admit that I froze. I wasn't one of the spotters, so no harm done, but there was a real moment of unreality for me. A disconnect - 'huh, that guy's on fire'. Not sure how that happened. My normal reaction to danger is action. Maybe it was because it was fire. I have some crooked wiring when it comes to people burning to death - secondary trauma, but still valid. I should work on that.

Got into working on my own stuff. Learned three new tricks, which was awesome. I was really sore for the first twenty minutes but I worked through it. I need to get up to practicing every day. I also need to put some serious thought into performance presentation. I'm not some tall skinny chick who can look hot while twirling fire. I'm an average-size, rather round & curvy girl who doesn't want to embarrass herself. Right now I'm feeling white-and-black, maybe old-school harlequin?

I feel stupid and uncool among all the experts, but I'm trying to ignore my inner ninth-grader and just do the work. It's the work that will build the self-respect, and the respect of others.

Got to keep at it.